it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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