I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
