oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
