I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
