I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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