it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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