What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
