At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
