He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
