I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
