I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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