You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
