Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
