I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I don't deserve a penis
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
