Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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