How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
