I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
