no, he came in my armpit
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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