I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
