I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
