never play flip cup with pint glasses
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
