If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
