I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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