the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
