I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
