Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
