I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
