Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
