yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
