is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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