marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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