fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
someone threw a dead crab at me
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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