Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
