Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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