your thong is hanging out like whoa
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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