Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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