Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
