What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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