There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
