Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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