FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
