There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
