dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I need a burrito and a hug.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
