**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize