My first STD was from a foam party
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
