Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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