Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Sponge bath it is.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
