I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I FOUND THE LEGS
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
