Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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