Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize