She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize