The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You ruined the universe
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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