I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
