so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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