It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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