Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
