I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
