i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
