I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just had sex on a roof
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
