my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she pinky promised me she was 18
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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