I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
