My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
