My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
