i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
