We won't sleep together?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
