worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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