There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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