Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
