What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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