It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
